First draft: II

Lately, I’ve been feeling very unwanted, unappreciated, and unnoticed. It’s not a feeling anyone would like to carry. It gives me anxiety attacks just being here in this position — but I don’t know what to do about it. Is it coming from my friends? My family? Or from myself?

What does it feel like? Imagine your body covered in invisible wounds, and fire burning you from the inside. All you want to do is curl up in a corner, drop your head to the ground, and sob like a five-year-old. Is that just being a crybaby? Maybe. But ask yourself — how big are you, really? You say you’ve never cried? Then pity, because you might never know what it feels like to be truly broken.

Sorry, I don’t mean to sound harsh. My thoughts just run wild, swinging from one branch to another — from sadness to anger, frustration to exhaustion, and sometimes even to fleeting moments of happiness. Do you feel the same? If yes, welcome to the club.

Talking about helplessness, what really brings me here today isn’t just feeling like a tiny fly trapped under a carpet, wishing to come out and fly — or even just rest quietly on the corner of a table beside a plate of biscuits. The reason I’m writing is to figure out why.

Am I not getting enough love from the people in my life?
Am I not excited enough about the future?
I do have plans, but where is the motivation to start working on them?

Every minute, my brain feels like it’s at war with itself. Thoughts, reasons, and beliefs clash constantly, leaving me exhausted. Are you going through this too?

I’ll leave this draft here for now. Maybe someday I’ll find the reason to finish it.